Not Without My Parka: The Robin Smith Story

Dear Winter,

I am just going to come right out with it. I am sorry for all of the awful, mean, hurtful things I said to and about you. Sure, it might seem unforgivable that I had eyes for your worst enemy, but please remember that Summer and I go way back. I know I said I hated your fucking guts and how you refused to let me wear half of the clothes in my closet and really had a big say in what shoes were appropriate. I understand now you weren't trying to be controlling, you were just looking out for my best interests. Sure things with Summer started out great. Summer didn't care what I wore, or where I went, I really felt like Summer opened up a lot of opportunities for me. We spent long steamy evenings on patio bars together. I won't say that wasn't special. But now I really do think it is time we go in different directions. Things have just gotten too hot if you can imagine. I can't promise things between you and I will always be perfect. I won't tell you that a few months in when I am stuck in my dark apartment at 4pm I won't complain but I will say, Winter, I am ready to give it another shot, if you'll have me back. 

xoxo,

Sweating-my-ass off Mcgee




P.S. I am also very concerned about the doggy-style woman on man rape that appears to be going down in this fountain. I have so many questions. Why is no one helping this poor man? How is he restraining himself from slapping her because it is just too damn hot for that nonsense?

Because Terrorists are Scary as Sh*t

Too obvious? Things are rarely obvious in Russia, or obvious TO the Russians. In response to recent terrorist attacks, Moscow in installing bomb-proof public toilets. The idea is to prevent terrorists from leaving bombs in bathrooms and fleeing. This is not what happened in either the Metro bombing or the Airport bombing, so I am not sure where the toilet concern is coming from. Most terrorist attacks seem to involve a suicide, and they are not typically hiding in the bathroom. I am wondering if Moscow is trying to foil a terrorist attack by Wil E. Coyote?

Opulence, I Has It.

I am sure everyone has seen the DirectTV commercials by now, mocking rich Russians?

They are hilarious, especially since, as with most stereotypes, they are not that off base.

Then, in response to the overwhelmingly positive response they got about the "Petite Lap Giraffe" featured in the video, they made this website , where you can order your very own. I am sure they are hoping the website goes viral, which I think it is.

Sokoblovsky  Farms being a ficticious location is a real dissapointment for my friends. Good thing it's not and I am just keeping the PLG to myself.

Our new Family Portrait with the newest addition

Fake Breasts

I have been food obsessed since before moving to Russia. Not in a get-me-my-own-show-on-a-cable-networks-I-can't-stop-eating way. My obsessions has had to do with the quality of food I eat. I read this book, the Omnivore's Dilemma and went on a half hearted mission to eliminate corn syrup from my diet. Living in the United States this was impossible and did not last. After moving to Moscow, I instantly dropped weight without trying or really changing the amount of food or types of food I ate, and am convinced it is due to the lack of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) in the food here. Russia doesn't have government subsidies to grown corn, and therefore a huge surplus of corn with nowhere to go but into other non-related corn food, even including our meat. Then I read this Princeton article about how rats being fed HFCS and consuming the same amount of calories as rats consuming cane sugar gained DOUBLE the amount of weight at the end of the year, and was further convinced of the evils of corn syrup.

This made me excited about living in Russia, free from the tyranny of corn. Then I stumbled across this article yesterday called The Dark Side of The Bird. This article talks about America's obsession with white meat chicken, and disdain for all things dark. The problem is, chicken (and women...too obvious?) are not only breasts, and what can we do with all of the extra parts? Sell them to Russia. Well, up until last year (2010) when Russia said "No Thanks". Prime Minister Vladimir Putin barred U.S. chicken from Russia due to "health and safety reasons" last year. Russia, the leader in accidental deaths, the place where Ferrel dogs run freely in gangs along the street, where old ladies shove you on the metro, where the sidewalks are ice luges in the winter, is afraid of U.S. chicken? The article seems to speculate that the health and safety reasons may be bogus, and that a goal to be independent of foreign experts may actually be behind the ban. But I am skeptical considering the article ended with a solution to the glut of unwanted dark meat in America. A scientist has come up with a way to turn dark meat into a white meat milkshake that could be used for burgers and nuggets. This process involves a lab and a CENTRIFUGE.

Even though I have to dodge speeding cars that park on the sidewalk (and sometimes drive down it too), all large crane operators here are all blind, and the sidewalks are slip and slides in the winter, I am glad that when I buy food here I know it is just that, food.

Terror-fied

I live in Moscow. My husband just used this airport a few months back. Fortunately, neither of us were there yesterday, and no one we know was involved. Given our proximity, it was not surprising to see concerned emails from friends and families making sure we were OK. What was surprising was my mom's response after she found out we were alright:

Mom wrote: "Glad you were not at the airport. Very sad 31 people died.. and 140 injured. Bright side for you is that now it will be easier to get a cab with 171 people out of the way..."

I am just glad she doesn't worry.