Not Without My Parka: The Robin Smith Story

Dear Winter,

I am just going to come right out with it. I am sorry for all of the awful, mean, hurtful things I said to and about you. Sure, it might seem unforgivable that I had eyes for your worst enemy, but please remember that Summer and I go way back. I know I said I hated your fucking guts and how you refused to let me wear half of the clothes in my closet and really had a big say in what shoes were appropriate. I understand now you weren't trying to be controlling, you were just looking out for my best interests. Sure things with Summer started out great. Summer didn't care what I wore, or where I went, I really felt like Summer opened up a lot of opportunities for me. We spent long steamy evenings on patio bars together. I won't say that wasn't special. But now I really do think it is time we go in different directions. Things have just gotten too hot if you can imagine. I can't promise things between you and I will always be perfect. I won't tell you that a few months in when I am stuck in my dark apartment at 4pm I won't complain but I will say, Winter, I am ready to give it another shot, if you'll have me back. 

xoxo,

Sweating-my-ass off Mcgee




P.S. I am also very concerned about the doggy-style woman on man rape that appears to be going down in this fountain. I have so many questions. Why is no one helping this poor man? How is he restraining himself from slapping her because it is just too damn hot for that nonsense?

For Better or For Worse...For Richer or For Baby

The topic in my Russian conversation group last night was "Marriage, For Better or Worse?"

One of the questions in the topic was "What do you think are the top 3 reasons people get married?"

My devushkas answer with their list:

1. Money
2. To have baby and his name on birth certificate so you can get child support
3. to not be alone (please see above, as they believe baby also solves this problem)

4. (Alternate answer, also accepted) To increase status
5. (Alternate answer #2 also accepted) To make your friends jealous

One of my particularly soviet-ish girls elaborated on points #3 and #2. She goes on to say,

"If you have baby you are not alone or lonely and then you will not kill yourself. Better, if man marries you and you have baby, then you have baby and you have money and then those people really don't kill yourself"

We have a lot to work on with her English, sure, but obviously, language acquisition is the last of her worries.

Love is simply not a factor in marriage for these women. Nobody's list included love as a reason to get married. I don't know whether to be sad for them, applaud their honesty, or respect their practicality.

Before leaving I had the pleasure of teaching the girls the American colloquialism, “Shot-gun wedding”. One girl was excited to announce that she has a shot-gun wedding, and all of the girls were very excited to use the phrase. Maybe they are excited to use the phrase, or maybe they are excited at the idea of someone forcing their groom into a wedding if they get pregnant. This was not determined.

Nudity with Coworkers...Not Just for Strippers Anymore

So I did it. I experienced non-sexualized nudity. It really wasn't that big of a deal. It would have been more awkward to have been the only person with clothes on. No one cared. It really was like just wearing a different outfit than I normally do.

We went to this Banya: www.baninapresne.ru and it was one of the more authentic experiences I have had. It was a segregated experience. Women on one side, and men on the other. (Not sure how ok I would have been with it otherwise). No one cared you were naked or that they were naked. From the time you walk in, everyone is more concerned about doing their own thing. And really who cares if anyone did look? It was inspiring to see the women of every shape shed their clothes and be completely ok with the vulnerability of public nudity.

So we walked in, changed into...nothing, and then took showers, went into the steam room (that was unbearably hot), covered ourselves in coffee grounds, back to the steam room (still unbearably hot), dropped into an ice pool,  back to the steam room (you guessed it), I got beat with birch branches, got out, covered ourselves in honey, popped into the dry sauna to let said honey melt, and then on to the final shower.

Now to continue with the honest experience, I am going to write that I got a question answered (no idea why I was wondering about this). Russian women (at least the 50 or so that I saw at the Banya), do not groom the down there regions. (!?) For as polished and put together they are in public, this really surprised me (and yes I looked, come on, it can be honest and authentic, but you are still going to LOOK. Not to go in to too much personal detail here, but this is not a belief I subscribe to, and consequently, an old lady grabbed my junk, pointed, and wanted to discuss the state it was in (this is not a service I paid for, and I since I do not speak Russian, this is only my guess based on her pantomime and tone).

Well, it doesn't get any more non-sexualized than that.

It's No Accident They're Called Private Parts

Living in Russia may be stripping me of my repressed American sensitivities. Maybe it isn't Russia. Maybe it is the people I am surrounded with, the constant cloud of Non-Americans. I am not even sure if I am being stripped of these sensitivities as much as I want to be stripped of them. Or do I just think I should be?

I am not modest by American standards. Certainly not by the standards of the Catholic school I attended for 13 years. I've worked in an anything-goes liberal environment for the 6 years prior to moving overseas. I have talked a bawdy talk, but I am not sure if I can walk a bawdy walk. Especially when it isn't considered vulgar.

Non-sexualized nudity. These Europeans love it. They don't love it actually. They don't think about it. Nudity is just another outfit. It isn't noticed or discussed. In America, however, is there such a thing? Does anyone not suppress a giggle even looking at nude art? In a country where the women dress less than modest, why are we so nervous to take off what little clothes we are left wearing? Do we value sexuality so much that we are we trying to preserve it in our nudity?

How does one invitation evoke this much debate in me? I was invited to participate in a real Russian staple. The Russian Banya. This is a widely practiced and enjoyed Russian event. That is not really an event, it is more likely the Russian equivalent of  "hey do you want to go get pedicures together after work?". Except I never had to get naked for a pedicure and I haven't been naked in front of anyone in a non-sexual way since I was a child. I am an American, we don't do that. We are free....but not THAT free, right?