Booked a ticket on Saturday. Left on Sunday. Plane delayed for 4 hours in the airport that got bombed. Sat on by a Russian. Shoved by a Russian. Generally assaulted by all surrounding Russians. Vodka spilled in my purse by a Russian. Can't wait for America. Slept most of the flight, that was good. Arrived in D.C. way past connection flight. Lost all hope of arriving in Tampa on Sunday. Realized I left coat in Moscow. Possible serial killer offered sweatshirt and tried to share hotel room. realize that no one who is actually normal ever needs to say they are normal. Pass. Woke up 3 hours after going to bed. Jet lag sucks. Go back to D.C. airport. Meet a girl who reminds me of my slightly white trash sister. End up holding her cat through security. Not convinced cat isn't a drug mule. Hear her sob story about her meth-making boyfriend. Now convinced cat is a drug mule. Realize cat scratched me. Wondering if I would now fail a drug test. Arrive in Tampa. Go to lunch. I hate hugs. Go to a club. Fist pump. Nothing has changed in Tampa. Remind myself how to drive. Melt my credit card at the mall. Beach. Go to the dentist hungover. Get told by the dentist to eat an Alka Seltzer if I ever have a UTI. Wonder the entire dentist visit why he told me this. Wondering if the dentist ever verbally told me he is normal. Go out way too late way too often. Tried a jalapeno margarita. Reminded why I don't drink tequila. Where did these bruises come from? Physically exhausted. Please don't hug me. Partied with my favorite Asian. Pulled car over the throw up. Dinner with deceased step-dad's ex-wife. My family is strange. Drink wine. Eat cheese dip with a friend. Name it a "in queso emergency" party. Tell my friend I am not stoned. Hit by a slow moving car. Drag a coffin shaped bike case through the airport. Get the wrong boarding pass. Collude with the flight attendant that I am too sick to have people sitting next to me. Arrive in Moscow. Get shoved as soon as I exit the plane. Robin, Welcome Home, Love, Moscow.
P.S. With all of that said (in one breath, mind you). I couldn't have been doing this on February 27 in Moscow: